Judgement of Others - part 2

There are two parts to thinking about the Judgement of Others: them judging you and you judging them.

Today, the second one. My judgement of others.

Although I am pretty sure it is part of our human condition, I do not like judging others. Call it my Catholic upbringing or just having felt my own pain as I was judged and have felt the pain of those around me as they feel judged. Or perhaps, working with people and their innermost feelings and honesty, I have come to realise that most of us have a reason for doing what we do, behaving as we behave and saying what we say. As a great friend of mine says: “We are all living our best lives”.

I take that to mean that we are just trying with all of the means we have, with all of the background, experience and history that we have. I often quote people who abuse or criticise others: it is often a learnt behaviour and the only model the person knows.

And yet we humans like to talk about others, find judgement comes easily, in the press, in our lives, in our families. However, that judgement is all too often more about the judge than the object of their judgement. If it is a negative judgement, all too often this is a reflection of something that the judge lacks, is jealous of or wants. So, if you find yourself doing it there are 2 tips:

  • What is it in you that is being reflected? Is that person ‘too flashy with their money’ because you would like more money, or are they ‘a show off’ because you would like to be more confident. Once you can identify this, it will be much easier to stop the judging inner or outer chatter.

  • As soon as you realise you are judging, change the thought into a curiosity ‘I wonder why that person behaves in that way.’ This curiosity gives you the start of the recognition that the other person is just ‘living their best life’ just as you are too.