3 Reasons We Choose Not to Decide and 3 Ways to Overcome Them.
You have something big that you want to act on, you have something small that you want to decide upon. It's so annoying to be stuck in that indecisive state.
In NLP there is a presupposition that every action has a positive intention. If that is true, this indecision must also have a positive intention. So what is yours?
Take a relationship that just isn't working. One person, sometimes even both parties want to finish the relationship but cannot make that final decision. How could that indecision be helping them? Surely it is miserable for both parties when one is not happy, they've tried counselling, date nights, holidays, treats, talking and nothing seems to work. Night after night there are arguments, disagreements, annoyances and yet no-one acts.
The ego loves to keep us stuck in one place, no matter whether the situation looks great and feels great or looks really bad, the ego knows it and knows that it is a safe place to be. The lack of certainty keeps you there.......'just in case'. Just in case what?
There are lots of reasons and here are some key reasons we stay in the indecision:
1. Fear! If you make a decision there is a chance you could be wrong. you could be judged by others, you may not be perfect!!!! AHHHHHHH. You could let that relationship go and then in a few years end up regretting it.
By not making a decision you are actually deciding......to stay still and in this case to be miserable. So not making a decision can actually increase your chances of making those AHHHHHH! fears come true. Once you identify what that specific fear is, you can challenge it. Is it fear of being alone, financial fear, judgement fear. Name it and find a solution to it.
2. Making a decision can hurt someone else and most of us would choose to keep other people, especially those we love, safe and free from harm.
Again, by not making a decision, you are deciding to maintain the status quo which could also be hurtful. Of course we can get things wrong and we do hurt others without intending to (if you can tell me you have never hurt anyone's feelings I want to hear your story please). However, if you do make a decision you can control the communication of it and do it as kindly as in as timely a fashion as possible.
3. "I must have all of the information possible before I decide anything". I think this is called Analysis Paralysis. I have friends who do it and it can be painful to watch from the outside. Often they end up making some really good decisions and some pretty bad ones - just like me. However, what a painful and long journey and how much they have missed out on during the process. It's your choice but life really is a bit short in my book. In the case of our couple, they could spend years and years waiting. Of course things could become AMAZING with time, equally they may not. The decision could be to stop ruminating and choose to MAKE IT WORK, or to leave it. One thing is for sure, making a decision either way will lead you to work out what comes next.
Decide the really important information you need. Set yourself a time limit to gather that information. It won't just be one decision, there are several along the route to any outcome so the initial decision will lead to more and therefore you do not relinquish control with only one decision, but it's a starting point. There is always more information to gather.
So go on, think about any decisions you are not making and ask yourself: What is the meaning behind staying where I am and how does this help me? How am I hurting others by staying still and what information is essential before I move my butt. Decide either way and then settle into that decision.